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Recent
SJ News
Republicans Respond to Claims of Palin PMS – “Pelosi is Worse”
San Francisco Daily Register, October 22, 2008. A document leaked from the White House on Tuesday referenced a secret investigation by the Bush Administration which found that Rep. Nancy Pelosi had been diagnosed with a rare, but serious condition known as PPMS (Permanent Premenstrual Syndrome).
According to reports the Bush Administration had blamed Pelosi’s affliction for the rant she displayed in Congress on September 30, which likely delayed the passing of the economic recovery bill desperately needed by the country.
Dr. Fritta Steele with the Institute stated, “effectively the result is a crabby woman reacting mostly through emotional means with little regard for logic or reason.”
It appears from the leaked document that the White House had planned to use this information strategically to negotiate with Pelosi. The PPPMsNT (Pelosi Permanent Premenstrual Syndrome Negotiation Trial) known as “Peppermint” internally, appears to have backfired. In one instance, during a White House afternoon tea, Pelosi apparently threw a piece of White House china at the President, narrowly missing him, but striking the First Lady above the left ear. Doctors reported a helmet of hairspray deflected the blow, preventing serious injury.
According to the source, “The extreme fieriness of the subject was underestimated. We now recommend a shift to a strategy of détente rather than irritation.
(c) 2008 ScreamingJane, for entertainment purposes only - see notes.
Sarah Palin Claims PMS Muddled Thoughts During Couric Interview
The Denver Evening Star, October 2, 2008. An impassioned Sarah Palin Thursday suggested rhetorically that it “was really someone else" who interviewed with Katie Couric, the CBS evening news anchor. She was referring to a September 30 interview in which the Vice Presidential candidate rambled on for twenty minutes with stringy, often nonsensical answers to the high-profile interviewer’s questions.
When asked if the actual person being interviewed was an impersonator, Palin responded “no,” but that “hot flashes had caught [her] off guard on several instances during the interview,” throwing her into a "sort-of mental tailspin...It was really unfair that the network chose that night at that particular time to give the interview. The American people deserved better.”
Palin went on to explain that she was suffering from PMS, a condition heightened by the stress of running for the second most powerful political position in the world.
The Obama camp was quick to respond in a statement Friday, stating “She is clearly suffering from PMS, in the form of ‘Pre Maverick Stress’ disorder."
(c) 2008 ScreamingJane, for entertainment purposes only - see notes.
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NAWR Panel Suggest That Women Don’t
Get PMS
Rochester NY, June 1, 2008:- The
National Association for Women’s Rights today revealed
a new study. 140 women were surveyed over six months. According
to the results of a questionnaire presented to the study
group, zero out of the 140 subjects experienced what are
typically regarded as “PMS symptoms” over the
six months of the study
However, in another part of the study, 136
(97%) of the subjects reported that the men in their lives
(husbands, boyfriends etc.) became “hyper-rational
and controlling” for at least several days a month.
The study found that this cycle in the male population applied
to nearly all men, and the exhibited behavior was considered
“uncompassionate” and even “crude and
vulgar” by many of the subjects being studied. According
to NAWR, this suggest that long standing social assumptions
about women experiencing hormonal emotional swings influenced
by their menstrual cycle are actually attributable to these
previously undiscovered cyclical changes in the male population.
The group went on to say that the current dogmas pointing
to “so called PMS” as a source of irrationality
in women, were propagated by a deviant, male dominated medical
and scientific community as a way to keep women out of politics.
More can be found at the NAWR website…
Note: 4 individuals of the study group were
later found biologically to be men masquerading as women.
(c) 2008 ScreamingJane, for entertainment purposes only - see notes.
(top)
Man Killed
by Wife While Sleeping
Chicago, IL, May 20, 2008. A man
was found in his Chicago area home Saturday morning, stabbed
to death by what appeared to be his estranged wife. The
initial police reports suggested Mr. Fred Kennedy had initiated
an argument with his wife which sparked the attack, however,
further investigation has revealed that the two had had
an argument earlier in the day concerning the brakes on
their jointly owned car. Apparently the woman had not noticed
the smoke and screeching noises coming from the rotors after
the brake pads had completely worn through.
Martha Kennedy refused to comment except for
stating that her husband was completely oblivious and cared
more about the car than her feelings. She then stabbed her
unsuspecting husband in his sleep when he “could not
manage to keep his 'ass' awake to discuss her feelings.”
Police on the scene described Mrs. Kennedy
as “wild and uncontrollable.” One officer said
she seemed to have “fire in her eyes,” though
days later, a jailer uncovered by this reporter, described
Ms. Kennedy as “gentle as a kitten.”
(top)
ScreamingJane.com
Voted "Site of the Year" by Online Community
Dallas, TX, May 1,2008. The results
are in from the first annual survey of ScreamingJane users
and the results were staggering. ScreamingJane placed, #1 in overall
appeal of purposeful online tools, #1 in relevance of content
in subject matter, #1 selection of a color scheme for a
seedy site , and #4 in providing overall male problem solving
and overall satisfaction (just behind Maxim, Playboy and
another site that we can’t mention because the name
is so crude). Thanks to all of our loyal supporters who
made this possible. You like us, you really like us…
(top)
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Disclaimer: Please note, should it possibly be unobvious, the stories and facts in these news reports are fictitious and for entertainment purposes only. |
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